MUMBO JUMBO to kill your boredom

I hope I find you well, staying healthy at home giving yourself and others who care to listen optimistic pep talks on ‘how to spend a quarantine’ or digging for that measly bit of chocolate in the far corners of the fridge or better yet keeping your privileged buttocks on the bed all day like the ‘legend’ you are, watching Netflix. Whichever predicament you are in, feel free to call yourself ‘insanely lucky’  because a certain set of men and women whom I deem as “HEROES” are watching over you 24/7. Starting off, I give them my gratitude from the bottom of my heart and pray that whoever up there in the skies with whom I keep losing my patience by the passing day keep those heroes safe and healthy.

Just six days into the month, I have already used half of my data package productively, virtual dillydallying in Netflix, Youtube and the super good stuff on Facebook,”DIY a dinosaur at home”. Now that I’ve confined my cyber presence to Facebook, WhatsApp, Moodle which is the online learning platform and this blog, I have enough free time to spend overanalysing stuff regarding which I take quite a bit of pride in being excellent at. So today we would be overanalysing people on Facebook obviously because that is the only material I’ve got at hand. In further attempts if you good samaritans were bored enough to read my stuff, I’d appreciate some suggestions.

1)    Overproviders

These people are the first ones you encounter when you first access your feed  and they are such givers with hearts of gold who’ve unfortunately got a slight itch on the shoulder making them post  stuff every five mins.  They are hopelessly clueless about the theory of supply and demand that I would love to have them be employed at major internet service provider companies in the country. 

On a positive note, they help me act the ‘know-it-all’ at family discussions on current status of Covid-19 in the country. Let my gratefulness be noted there.

2)    Quote Hoarders

Second ones you meet on your feed would be this kind. Their lives revolve around bits and pieces of sentences that my dumb self fails to make sense of, mounted on aesthetically pleasing scenery as backgrounds. Let me remind you that these folk are classy like their backgrounds and wants the world to do good. So I support thee.

3)    Da Foodies

These are the kind that you instantly connect and feels the sisterhood/brotherhood for your mutual love of gluttony. Their timelines are littered with mouthwatering goodies and how to make them that you devotedly watch but never get around to make. I was slightly partial to these people and instantly considered them friends without any deterrence up until now. In the times of Corona where I had to begrudgingly let go of the prejudices I had with regard to ‘Karawila’, these ones are pure evil spirits.

4)     Oh my Crush

This subspecies of H.sapiens sapiens are a wondrous folk. They want to meet the love of their lives on streets of Paris, a subtle breeze brushing past them with the Moonlight Sonata playing in the background. They complain of the lack of this element in life to their intended ones on Facebook where us normal folk only know to how to fall in love by chatting up another human being. Talk about high standards on the road to ‘forever single’!

5)      Romeo and Juliet

Oh you don’t need introductions to these two. They write the most grandiose, opulent, resplendent, incandescent (google some synonyms to these ones) ballads, folk songs or whatever to each other with cute references to their future parenthood with ‘Ammiya, Thaththiya and Appachchiya’, that our cringe level reaches sky high. Having Buddhism ingrained at a young age in life, I quickly rid myself off the scathing remarks I have, fearing that karma would make my love life suffer. I am not willing to take risks there.

6)     ‘Challenge me, Human’

This breed thrives on adrenaline. They are fearless and lionhearted enough to parade their butt naked baby photos out in the cyberspace. They are bold, striking up challenges to each other constantly showing off their vigour. I can only aspire to be this confident one day! And I beg at your knees to sincerely apologise for rejecting the challenges due to my lack of confidence.

7)      ‘Let me tell you how to run a country’

This brand of Facebook users are experts on running a country and blatantly disregards other experts’ opinion on the same subject. So these guys are frequently at loggerheads with each other and brands themselves with unappealing names such as ‘Baiya, Toiya etc” . Other users described above can evolve into this species now and then during the times of election. Jokes aside, It is important to remember that this country is equipped with freedom of speech and be civil to each other while using the said tool.

8)      Meme lords

My fellow comrades with a warped sense of humour projecting it to the most un-funny issues. You landed us on the world map making a meme out of a terrorist leader. You make my life easy but you make me break my well maintained facade of a dignified young lady too many a time.

9)     Casper the friendly ghost

There are a certain sect of humans who secretly indulge in the pleasures of Facebook but remains invisible keeping their timelines empty. They consider themselves above us mere whimsical mortals. But I assure you they are friendly cause they push the like button frequently.

10)    The Healer

This category of Facebook users are what I call Holy. They advocate for a clean environment, and remind us of the duty we have towards the the planet we live in. I respect and admire you. Take a minute to gloat on my face, “I told you so” with the current situation in the world.

If you’ve read this far, you definitely earned my “love” react to your profile picture.  Just kidding!

On a final note, this entry was written all in fun and not to harm anyone or question another’s self worth. In revelation, I have done almost all the things I’ve mentioned. So not at all high and mighty I’d like to be portrait as. In conclusion, Do what you want to do in life because YOLO.. (Cliche I know)

   

Ava Premaratne

Faculty of Medicine